Catch Me If You Can
by Odji
Summary: The Hatter was quite bored, and ever so curious as to why that Cheshire was always smiling... Undertaker/Grell Oneshot


AN: This fic is for lune-brues, for stickiebun13/StickieBun's DA Secret Santa Fic Exchange! I've been dying~ to write this fic for a while now, and I can only hope she likes it!

Summary: The Hatter often wondered why the Cheshire Cat was always smiling, and he was determined to find out!

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Catch Me If You Can

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It was a maddeningly boring day in Wonderland, or at least, it was in the Hatter's opinion. Frowning, the silver haired man added a few more sugar cubes to his tea. The March Hare and the Dormouse were no where to be seen, leaving the silly man to himself. Singing off-key tunes and throwing tea cups helped to ease the boredom a bit, but the longer he sat the more his unstable mind began to wander...

He wondered where his odd friends had wandered off to. 'Probably for some alone time.' The Hatter thought to himself, chuckling. The pair did their best to hide their affections from the madman, but the Hatter was no fool, and he had easily noticed the change in the pair's relationship. When it had happened though, he couldn't recall. Certainly not too long ago, but not too recently, either.

His mind then turned to the white rabbit, curious as to why the charming fellow always seemed to be in a rush when he in fact had no where to go but around in circles. The dark haired man with shockingly white ears was constantly hopping around Wonderland, running around in his attempts to sate the Red Queen.

"The bloody big-head, with hair so red~!" The man sang to himself as he chucked his tea cup at a tree nearby. "Caught her a rabbit, who always fled!"

The insane man laughed loudly, hopelessly amused by his own little tune. He laughed and drooled and laughed some more, his body draped over the tea table as he convulsed with giggles. A few minutes later he picked himself up from the table top, pouring himself a new cup to tea in one of the many teacups scattered along the table.

Now his mind wandered to the Cheshire Cat, with his bright red hair even brighter than the Queen's own. The cat was a very odd creature, even to those in Wonderland, with his evaporitory ways and a body that did not fit his mind. Odder yet was the secret grin the red head always seemed to wear, as though he was keeping secrets.

'Secrets don't make friends.' The man recited in his mind, his lips forming a pout before he tilted his head slightly in curiousity.

"Perhaps the Cheshire Cat will be more interested in making friends than keeping secrets today? I would certainly like to find out why he's so happy all the time~! Perhaps he's heard a few good jokes?" The Hatter considered aloud, downing his tea in a single sip and wincing at the bitter taste.

His mind had gotten away from him again, and he had apparently forgotten to put sugar in his tea. Moments later the tea cup shattered against the base of a tree, and the silver haired hatter wandered into the forest. He would simply have to find the Cheshire, and figure out exactly what made the odd cat smile in such a way.

* * *

It hadn't been hard to track down the smiling cat as the creature seemed to frequent certain places, particularly near the Rabbit's home in hopes of catching a glimpse of the elusive man. A soft purr and a few meows drew the Hatter through the woods until he stumbled upon the Cheshire Cat, who was laying on the thick branch of a tree.

The cat's lower half was not to be seen, all but his tail invisible to the eye. The silver haired man cracked a silly grin, watching as the red head swatted at his own tail, the appendage twitching back and forth above him. The other had yet to notice him, and the Hatter knew he must take advantage of the opportunity. While the cat was distracted, the man silently moved to the base of the tree before pulling himself up with a large branch, slowly beginning the climb up to the partial-man above.

Slowly making his way to the Cheshire, the silver haired man grinned triumphantly, pleased that catching the cat would be so easy. However, as he reached out to grasp the other man's clothing the cat turned completely invisible and the Hatter found that his hand went completely through the area the other man had been resting in. To his right, a set of bright green eyes and a frowning mouth appeared, floating just out of his reach.

"What in the world are you doing, Hatter?" The Cat questioned, tilting his head curiously as he regarded the silver haired man who sat perched on a branch of the tree where he had rested only moments before. "Shouldn't you be at the tea party? And its rude to sneak up on a lady, you know~!"

"Hello Chesh!" The Hatter said with a chuckle, sitting on the side of the tree branch and allowing his legs to dangle and swing as he spoke. "You're not pleased to see me?"

The silver haired man watched as the cat floated down to the ground, letting the rest of his body appear as he scowled.

"Don't ignore my questions!" The red head snapped, crossing his arms as he stared up at the man in the tree.

The Hatter simply grinned and slid from his spot on the tree, landing gracefully on the ground next to the tree a moment later. With a cheerful bow, the man approached the Cheshire, only to watch as the cat backed away warily.

"Well, the Hare and the Dormouse didn't come for tea today, and I was quite bored! And as my mind began to wander, I thought of you~ dear Chesh! Ehehe, I often wonder why you smile, and I figured today would be the perfect day to find out!" The crazed man said with a smile almost too large for his face, approaching the cat again.

"Why I smile?" The Cheshire grinned as he backed away from the insane man. "Well~ there are many reasons why I smile, my dear Hatter! And if you can catch me, I'll tell you every single one!" The cat said as his tail flicked back and forth behind him, ears twitching in playful anticipation.

The Hatter launched himself forward suddenly in an attempt to capture the smiling cat before him, but his arms only met air, and he fell forward onto the ground with a grunt. The red head floated above him, laughter ringing out into the forest.

Pulling himself up off the ground, the silver haired man frowned and stared up at the cat who was once again floating just out of his reach, lying in the air as though he was on a wonderfully soft couch. The cat giggled and winked, and was gone without a trace a moment later.

The silver haired hatter felt a smile tug at his lips. A game of chase was certainly a fun way to spend a day in Wonderland, and if it allowed him to find out the Cheshire's secrets, even better!

* * *

The Hatter laughed madly as he placed a large plate of cooked salmon down in the middle of the forest, pulling out a small wooden sign that had the words, "Eat Me" written on it, and placing it in the center of the food. His plan was fool-proof, or so he hoped! The Cheshire would be attracted to the smell of the salmon, as any self-respecting cat would be. Once he ate it, the cat would shrink down to the size of the sugar cubes the Hatter loved so much, and the silver haired man would catch him with a tea cup!

The man gave a wild grin and ran to hide behind a nearby tree, eagerly awaiting the arrival of his newest conquest.  
It wouldn't be long, he was sure of it, as the cat had seemed just as interested in the game he suggested as the Hatter was! So the man waited, and waited, and waited... Minutes seemed to pass like hours, but then again, time had always been a tricky thing to manage in Wonderland.

All of a sudden, a slender pair of arms encircled the Hatter's waist and the feel of a soft, wet tongue on his cheek caught him by surprise.

"Me~ow! It seems that I've caught you, Hatter, while you were trying to catch me~!" Teased the voice of the Cheshire Cat, small fingers digging into the silver haired man's sides and drawing out a loud laugh before pulling away completely. "Next time, please note that I prefer tuna to salmon!"

The Hatter spun around with a wide smile, ready to reach out and snatch the silly cat that had gotten just a bit too close, only to find that the Cheshire was no where to be found. Displeased that his trap had been so easily foiled, the man sighed and wandered back towards his lone tea party, another idea already in the works.

* * *

"This one will not be foiled so easily~!" The Hatter muttered to himself as he tied a bell to a long red ribbon. "I'll certainly catch Chesh this time!"

The silver haired man smiled, pleased with his handiwork. He had went all the way to the Red Queen's castle to steal a long, red ribbon. Red was the Cheshire's favorite color, the fact was well known. In his own shack, the Hatter had found a large jingly bell, just perfect for enticing the cat to play.

The Hatter giggled as he replayed his plan in his mind. He would go into the forest with the ribbon, dragging it alone the ground as he pulled it to himself. The cat would notice the pretty little toy and be too tempted to resist, chasing it all over the woods until he was close enough for the Hatter to pounce, capturing the surprised cat. Yes, this one certainly couldn't fail!

Gathering up the ribbon and bell, the Hatter once again entered the forest, ready to set his plan into motion. He walked deep into the woods, listening for any sound that might signal that the cat was nearby. He heard it a moment later, the soft mewing of his prey cutting through the soft noises of the forest around him.

Setting the bell down on the ground, the Hatter held onto the opposite end of the ribbon and began to walk even farther into the woods, the long red ribbon unwinding with every step until it trailed back farther than the silver haired man could see. One more step, and he could hear the familiar jingle of the bell, the soft rattle seeming to echo in the forest.

The silver haired man smiled and slipped behind a tree, slowly pulling the silky red ribbon towards him. A few minutes later, he felt a soft tug on the other end of toy, followed by the pleased sounds of the Cheshire cat's purring. One of the man's hands came up to cover his mouth, silencing any joyous laughter that threatened to sound. It would do no good for him to be caught now.

Drawing the ribbon closer and closer, the Hatter couldn't help but but grin as he listened to the sound of the Cheshire pouncing after the jingling bell of the self-made cat toy.

"Nyah~! Come back here, pretty bell!" The cat purred as he chased after the toy, the pretty red ribbon pulling just out of his reach again and again.

Sensing that the cat was close enough, the silver haired man gently placed the ribbon down, allowing the Cheshire to snag a hold of the teasing bell. The Hatter's muscles tensed and he jumped out from behind the tree, launching himself at the human-like cat before him.

The Cheshire's eyes grew wide as he scurried out of the way just in time, squealing and giggling as he narrowly escaped the other man's grasps. The silver haired man stumbled before giving chase, laughter erupting from him as he watched the cat look back at him with a grin. All of a sudden the red head jumped into the air, his entire body disappearing without a trace.

The Hatter frowned as he came to a stop, adjusting his hat as he glanced around to find the sneaky feline. As hands suddenly blocked his vision through his long silver strands, the insane man knew he had found him. A soft, feminine voice whispered in his ear from behind, and the Hatter couldn't stop the shiver that rocked his body.

"That wasn't very nice, Hatter~!" Teeth nipped as his ear, and the silver haired man let out a soft moan. "Not very nice at all for such a handsome man to tease me like that... You almost got me though, darling! Maybe next time?"

The silver haired hatter's hands reached up to take hold of the Cheshire's slender hands, to finally capture the playful kitten, but to his surprise his vision was suddenly unmarred by the hands of the cat, the other having vanished without a trace.

Heart pounding in his ears and a large smile on his face, the Hatter wandered back through the forest, leaving the ribbon forgotten on the ground. He would have to figure out another plan to capture the Cheshire, but he found he quite looked forward to the challenge.

* * *

'Ah~! I've been simply going about this the wrong way!' The Hatter thought to himself with a knowing smile, looking at the item before him. 'That tricky cat has avoided me at every turn. He's too quick to catch, and too smart to lure. So the only solution is to make him _willingly _give himself up to me~!' The man thought gleefully, opening a small bag and dumping its contents onto the table.

Catnip. Catnip was the solution.

He would place a bit of catnip in his pocket and call for the young cat to come to him. When the red head finally showed up, the catnip would entice his senses and draw him to the silver haired man, the cat's mind unfocused from the herb. The Hatter would eagerly accept the affectionate kitten into his arms, snuggling him and petting him to his hearts content until the catnip wore off. Then the Cheshire would find himself utterly trapped, and the Hatter would've won the little game they played.

Just a pinch would do, and that was all the Hatter took, sliding a small clump of the herb into his pants pocket. Laughter bubbled inside of him, threatening to spill out as images of what was to come flooded his mind. He resisted though. There would be time for laughter soon enough. First, he had to find the Cheshire.

Skipping happily into the forest, the silver haired man called out to the other, the cats name echoing throughout the forest. Receiving no response, the Hatter moved onward. He would not be so easily discouraged. The cat was curious after all, and would likely come to investigate if he heard his own name being called so adamantly. It was simply a matter of time.

"Cheshire~! Come out, come out wherever you are! Ehehee..." The Hatter giggled before cupping a hand to his ear and listening for the cat.

The forest remained silent, and the man sighed, ready to call out again. Just as he opened his mouth, however, a soft purr sounded from behind him, and the Hatter quickly spun around. Behind him stood the Cheshire cat, a slight blush on his face and a dazed look in his eyes. The Hatter couldn't help but giggle again. Yes, this one would go exactly as planned.

"W-What is that?" The Cheshire questioned as he sniffed at the air, his eyes glassy and unfocused as he regarded the man before him. "I want more, but what is it?"

The Hatter gave a wide grin.

"Its right here in my pocket, Chesh, and if you come here you can have it~!" The silver haired man said as he beckoned the cat forward with a long finger, head tilted slightly to the side.

The man watched as the cat moved forward gracefully, his feet barely touching the ground at all. The Cheshire finally reached him, and the Hatter laughed audibly as the smaller man immediately rubbed his reddened cheek against his chest, purring and mewing dreamily. The Hatter wrapped his arms around the pleased cat, drawing him close, knowing that he wouldn't get away this time.

"Nyah~! So nice, so nice, so nice! This feels so heavenly!" The Cheshire purred as he wiggled against the other man's body, nearly laughing when the Hatter lost his balance and toppled to the ground.

Within seconds the cat was on top of him, nuzzling and licking his neck happily. The silver haired madman shivered and gasped at the treatment, a few soft laughs escaping him as he did his best to calm the smaller man who seemed quite eager to lavish him with attention.

"My, my! So affectionate, little one~! To think, just a little bit of catnip would have such an affect on a Cheshire cat! Remarkable, really!" The man chuckled as soft red hair tickled his chin, the cats body pressed fully against his own in a way that darkened his normally pale cheeks and sped his beating heart up even more.

"Catnip?" The Cheshire moaned as he sniffed at the madman's chest, searching for the herb. "You dastardly Hatter, where are you hiding it?"

The Hatter simply chuckled and shrugged, silently surprised at how just a small pinch of an herb could cause the cat to come so undone. The telltale bump of the Cheshire's nose moved down the man's body, inhaling the smell of the the madman's skin. Before the other could go much farther, however, the Hatter slipped his hand into his pocket and withdrew the small amount of catnip, offering it to the red head.

"Is this what you're looking for, Chesh? All yours~!" The man said with a giggle, enjoying the way the cat eagerly moved to his hand, a loud purr emerging from him.

The Cheshire inhaled deeply, and the Hatter could feel the smaller of the two panting against his skin. Finally, the squirming red head began to devour the herb, lapping at the silver haired man's sensitive skin and making him giggle. Moments later, all traces of the catnip were gone, and a very pleased Cheshire hovered above him in its wake.

"Nyah~! So good, such a kind Hatter!" The red head moaned as he wiggled his hips, a large, silly smile on his face. "Do you have more?" The cat questioned, a dazed look on his face as he gave the man underneath him a small lick to the cheek.

The man laughed.

"No, no more for you right now, dear Chesh. You've had quite enough, don't you agree?" The madman grinned and pulled the cat down until their bodies pressed against each others fully. "Besides, you'll notice that I've captured you, dear~! Just as I've planned all along!"

The silver haired man watched as the Cheshire frowned, giving a testing squirm, trying unsuccessfully to escape the Hatter's clutches. The escape attempt was abandoned quickly, however, and the cat gave a pout before nuzzling into the other man's neck.

"So cruel, to seduce me into your arms with catnip!" The Cheshire purred as he pressed his hips against the other man's own, earning him a moan. "Will you take advantage of this pussy cat, my handsome Hatter? Or will you leave me to my thoughts, longing for such a ruthless trickster?"

The insane man felt his body tremble, and laughter bubble up inside him at the cat's lewd suggestion. But if he allowed such distractions, he knew that the cat would happily sneak away without fulfilling his side of the agreement, as was his nature.

"Perhaps you'll tell me why you smile first? We did have an agreement after all..." The Hatter said as laughter finally spilled forth, his hands gripping the Cheshire's wiggling hips to hold him still once again.

The cat sighed against his neck, and the warm breath tickled his skin. The Hatter resisted the urge to simply pick the affectionate Cheshire up and carry him back to the tea party, and just keep him for as long as the fickle creature would allow. The red head sat up, straddling the man's hips as he squirmed and fought back a smile, holding firm to the pout on his lips.

"Fine, fine! You want to know why I smile, hmm? Well there is no single reason. I smile because so many things please me, things no one else seems to smile about! I smile because the White Rabbit's tail wiggles when annoyed, and because the Hare's ears twitch when he's uncomfortable. I smile because the Dormouse is a dreamer in every sense of the word, and because some Alice will eventually show up, denying herself and everything else in this world." The Cheshire replied with a pleased grin, his small fingers kneading the Hatter's chest.

"What else?" The man questioned, his long hair falling away from his eyes as he watched the cat fondly.

The pair locked eyes, and the Hatter was happy to note the dark blush that spread along the cat's cheeks. The catnip's affects had began to fade, and the red head began to calm down a bit as they spoke.

"I smile because this world is wonderful, and beautiful and strange, just like myself. I smile because even if my heart aches at the thought of being alone, I still hope that someone will keep me for their own." The cat grinned suddenly, and reached out to trail a finger along the Hatter's pale lips. "And I smile because every so often a certain human will seek me out, as pleased to have my company as I am to have his. He makes my heart flutter and my hands tremble, and he always has a silly smile on his face~!" The red head giggled, green eyes shinning as the Hatter nipped at his slender digits.

The silver haired man felt his heart thumping heavily in his chest at the cat's honest words. Giddy laughter threatened to spill forward, but the man kept it at bay with a twitchy smile. The cat seemed to notice his plight though, and trailed his clawed fingers along the silver haired man's sides. Laughter sounded throughout the forest, and the Hatter didn't stop until tears streamed down his face.

When he finally caught his breathe again, save for a few spare chuckles that sputtered from him, he noted that the Cheshire had cuddled to his chest much as a normal cat would, curing against the Hatter's thin body and purring happily. The man entangled his arms around the red headed feline, and sat up so that the smaller of the two rested in his lap.

The cat peered up at his shyly, looking a bit embarrassed by his admission, his cat ears flat against his head. Pressing his lips against the Cheshire's forehead, the madman finally spoke.

"Ah~, your answer was just as pleasing as I had hoped, my dear Chesh!" The man said as he shakily got to his feet, the cat held firmly in his arms. "Well, lets be on our way then!"

The red head gave him a curious look, a delicate red eyebrow raising in silent question as the silver haired man began to walk through the forest towards his home.

"Wait! Where are we going? You can't just scoop me up and steal me away!" The Cheshire shrieked between laughs.

"Why, I'm taking you home of course! You've enticed my mind with such lewd promises, after all, and a gentleman would not force himself upon a maiden in the middle of a forest~! After all, you said you wanted someone to keep you, right?" The Hatter questioned with a tilt of his head. "Unless you had someone else in mind..."

Thin arms wrapped around the Hatter's neck a moment later and the madman found a pair of soft lips pressed against his own. The kiss ended just as quickly as it had began, and the man giggled as the cat's furry tail wrapped itself around his waist.

"Well, actions speak louder than words, my darling Hatter~!" The Cheshire whispered, his eyes shimmering as a slightly insane smile settled on his face. "Take me home, and I'll certainly make sure you know exactly who I belong to..."

Laughter flooded the forest again, though no one within hearing distance seemed to pay it any mind. It was just another day in Wonderland, after all.

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AN: WOW. That was much longer than I thought it would be, but I love the way it turned out. I hope you all enjoy it too :3 Read and review~


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